Oh Tears!!!

I call out for you to be my guest tonight.

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Hi Tears !

Nice to meet you. Look at you, haven’t changed a bit since my knowledge of you. Might sound a little quirky, but I happen to call you today for no reason. Yeah and I’m completely sober and sane if you have such doubts now, and I don’t wish to demean the very purpose you serve. I know you have many more reasons to appear, but today it’s just you. I have vague memories of you associated with my childhood although the recent ones have been registered well. I suppose your occurrence has reduced with time, not that the reasons are falling short, it’s just that I have learned to hold you on for few. It’s always something else that occupies my mind and heart when I sought solace in you, but today let’s just talk about you. I fear I ever gave a sound thought about you all these years and I must admit I barely know you for real, how is it to be you? I mean all that enormous amount of human emotions you hold in that tiny little drop. I couldn’t possibly fathom the gravity of such measure you could carry within you with my inept mind. I’m just aware of the ones you shared with me, what about the billion others I’m oblivious to. What is it like to experience those countless short-lived journey of yours on billions of faces that you come across ? I mean a lifetime wouldn’t suffice to explore your treasure of life experiences. And I could imagine how rich your treasure chest would be as the stories collected over these years would be no ordinary ones. I mean tell me how intense would be those emotions,  on the face of that Survivor who opened his eyes to witness the devastating site of bloodshed after the attack, to be on her face while she couldn’t fight anymore against those monsters holding her against the ground, giving her pain. On that poor schizophrenic who is struggling hard for life to understand what is real. To be rolling on his face who’s unable to make her realize how it feels like dying inside.You equally stand for the better and beautiful side of emotions too like the one on the faces of those parents to see their new-born child after trying for long. On that artist for the love bestowed on him by the millions cheering for him, on this old proud face who retired from work today after serving his duty for years with sincerity. In those spiritual moments of  ecstasy and joy when they understand the philosophy of human misery. Your indifferent nature towards joy and sorrow reflects your egalitarian trails too. How different does it feel to look on whom you appear ? Like how big and strong where the emotions when the Mahatma shed one or even the mighty Hitler for that matter and how small where they when the kid along the roadside shed few out of hunger. According to Hindu legend, even Lord Shiva couldn’t hold on to his strong feelings, the single tear from his eyes fell on the earth to grow into a Rudraksha tree. It’s unreal to empathize your strength to hold such emotions in all these cases. I fancy about your different pathways over the faces once you drop out of the eyes and finally disappear for eternity. Like the ones emerging from the edges and running along the sidelines and finally getting soaked into our pillows, or the ones running along the cheeks till you drain off over the tip of the chin. Sometimes getting wiped off by hands before reaching the lips while traveling along the nose line , some odd little times you get to reach over the lips but you kind of taste a bit salty over the tongue. It’s better you don’t leave back visible stains on our faces , or else every life would have been an open-book to read. I wish you could be collected and preserved to revisit the emotions you hold on for. I wish you were vocal to we people to make us realise what’s really going on within.

Tears waited all this long quietly holding on to my eyelids to hear me and finally rolled away from my eyes like it always does.

​If I were you !!

So when does this battle begin ? It happens everyday, in every little instance. In all likelihood they’ll always stand to differ

He accompanies me while on my way to work and back home generally, fortunately he is free all the time and me on the other side simply occupied with my routines and other stuffs. It’s usually the same journey which follows everyday until one fine day it changed forever. Here’s how our journey began as we step out from my house that day –

Episode 1: We arrive at the auto-stand to reach the railway station .While waiting for an auto to arrive, He points me to this guy waiting behind me in the queue, looking at his watch every second impatiently, might be late for some real important assignment. He hints me to make a move upfront to help the poor guy skip the queue to save him some time there. But I somehow fail to gather enough courage to ask and I quietly slide into the auto as it arrives.

Episode 2: We rush to the railway platform since I’m bit late today. He distracts my sight towards this penurious lady sitting  with her infant in her lap near the walls of the platform, might be in need for some food to feed her child. He gives this look as if I probably know what he might say now but I disgracefully look down and make my way with the crowd as soon as the train enters the platform.

Episode 3: We catch our bus en route, today it’s quite crowded and I’m fortunate enough to enjoy this window seat. And suddenly he turns my head towards this stranger who is profusely sweating and exhausted as if he just ran a marathon to catch this bus, looks like he might need my seat more than me for now. But I simply turn my head back again through the window pane.

Episode 4: We get down at our bus stop and start walking towards our office premises along the footpath. He calls for my attention towards a skinny guy struggling to pull the loaded cart behind him on road . I carry this sympathetic look and simply enter the gates of my office.

Episode 5 : After a hectic day, we friends were enjoying ice-creams along the roadside. He asks me to notice the poor kid walking away disappointed, looks like he just fell short of few more coins to buy an ice cream for himself. I just stand and act like a spectator there.

Episode 6: While walking towards our building stairs, I usually avoid looking at this particular balcony. I know I will find this old little man sitting on his chair carrying that same old impassive look for years since I remember. I always struggle to make a comfortable gesture to him. Pretty well acquainted with this shortcoming he still provokes me by purpose. I accept my defeat and walk straight towards the stairs.

Disturbed with all the incidences he tried to indulge me into today. I make him stand in front of me and question his intent behind this play. His witty smile further gets me annoyed and furious. He softly utters “If I were you, it wouldn’t have been the same for you as well as for few others today,dear friend”. I just collapse down to my knees in tears because he was none other than myself in front of me. I was equally petrified with the one residing within me the whole time.  And there I finally discovered these two identities confronting each others.

Sometimes you need to lose some mind to win some heart.”

And they finally Broke up !!

“I beg you, Please don’t leave me, Dear. ”

But she didn’t bother to care, as she already made it clear.

I could see you move away from me, with every step that you take towards the door.

Unable to make any move, my body stands frozen to the core.

I felt like something just left my body behind,

And it ran towards you to hold you by your hand.

As if it knew how to make you remind,

That this love is not so easy to find.

But Oh my god, what’s happening here !

Its struggling hard to hold you back, but couldn’t make it even though,

At last I see my poor intangible soul couldn’t help but let you go.

Hello !

NO, I’m not calling someone here and not even close to something about Adele too, if you have mistakenly landed there. 😉

“HELLO”, The word sounds complete right! but still seems to be incomplete in itself, isn’t it. I believe things have never ended with Hello. It comes with something when called upon. And that’s where I’m interested in . We hear it countless times , and hardly bother to notice it specifically. It sounded the same each time but never meant to be the same.

This is what I managed to notice in there –

A “Hello” comes with love , when the old ears recognizes her son sitting oceans away and earning well for a living.

A  “Hello” comes with anger , when you make her wait at the coffee shop.

A  “Hello” comes with blush , when the new found love find reasons to hear from you.

The same feels annoying , when the customer care  disturbs every now then.

A “Hello” comes with joy , to hear from your little one who recently learned to say Papa !

The same comes with sadness , when your bestie ain’t feeling good lately  with the happenings in her life.

A “Hello” comes with freedom , when a resignation is all you need to breathe again.

The same comes with defeat , when your ego tried to ruin your year-long friendship.

A “Hello” comes with hope , to know whether your sister’s medical reports turned out to be positive or not.

A “Hello” comes with fear , when its time you confess to your angry father about the broken antique radio.

A “Hello” comes with acting too , when you want to hang up on purpose . Hello! Hello! Hello !

A “Hello” comes with Goodbye , but you still  don’t want to end up the talk, although it lasted till the dawn.

And finally , A “Hello” comes to get you people read this one.

Thank You.

 

 

Love(a)Marriage

Alexithymia that’s all I can say when it comes down to talk about few things, particularly this one.

I guess the title makes an attempt to tickle your grey cells on my intent for this article. Let’s get it started straight from the incident where this idea took birth .

During a metro ride with my good old friend , he was talking about this girl he knew , so she is going get engaged soon but not with her boyfriend as it seems but the one she choose from her community under parental pressure. Now she has made up her mind to never look back and she will work out with her present. It didn’t feel right to hear about it . He too raised his reservation against this incident and wondered  how do people make such things work in reality? I didn’t have much to say in this and how could I ? Someone who never played either of these roles of love or marriage in true sense. Though enjoyed the freedom of having an opinion about it. I remember I came up with this statement – You know what , I think this ” Love and Marriage aren’t the same thing. ” if you see. I believe it meant more than those words had to offer.

Love as an emotion and Marriage as an act, both make an independent conception in itself. Together they can co-exist to represent an epitome of mutualistic symbiotic relationship. As now we are approaching this popular phase of mid 20’s  the so-called socially accepted age for marriage proposals. We could hardly find this question  not mentioned in our social meets like – Who’s going to marry the earliest among us ? I feel somewhere it asks for who’s going to dare to take the action first. The answers too feel like masked behind some real truth, some say ” Hmm , Might take some few years to look into it”. I guess this wait of few years is not meant for the marriage to happen but it’s actually spared for the love to happen. The idea of love later accompanied with marriage always gives this sense of delight within. But unfortunately some find it contentious when love seems to disappear like a beautiful dream after few years of marriage. All it needs is to have a blind faith in its existence to make the marriage or relationship run.

So as we hope for ” Love-Marriage ” , I would like to hope for ” Love-a-Marriage ” , here my definition with the silent ‘a’ helps to understand it better.

Love after marriage – we couldn’t deny the possibility of this happening either. I hope I may be wrong , But somewhere love gets protected from being questioned behind the bars of a relation called family. Do u love your family ? This thing rarely excites us when we talk about the L word as the emotion of family stands at par to any obligations of human emotions, its more than any emotion.

I don’t know when marriage will try to make sense for me but I do feel like ”  I’m running out of time for love.

The Unanswered !!

A fictional tale which answers to none…

Walking along the shore late night under the crescent moon light he was lost in this state of melancholy. He reaches out for a cigarette and a lighter from his pocket , lights it up and takes in a deep breath of smoke. The cool steady breeze just adding the beauty to the atmosphere is trying to steal away the cigarette smoke from the tip of his mouth. Even the smoke inside isn’t spared as if the air has it all to cleanse the toxic within. The moist sand underneath providing a comfortable cushion to his bare feet. The sea water rolls off his legs every time the waves run into the coastline.

On his way along the shore ride he accidentally stumbles over a rock under water. As the wave reclines back over his legs he finds an idol with the throne just visible above the surface. He digs out some soil to get this small Ganesh murti out , and washes off the mud over it with some water. He stares at the idol giving this smile of recognition as if waiting all his life to talk to it. He didn’t have much to say , just a few answers from this Almighty who act like the panacea for all the disorders in our living . He was always sceptical about getting any answers , never did he find anyone like him coming up with help when he needed the most. He speaks out-

” They say you know everything. That’s the  reason why you are different from me.

I hear their silence,
You hear their plead..

I see their laughter,
You see their tears..

I see what they receive,
You see what they sacrifice..

I know about their dreams,
You know about their fears..

But I do know something, dear Lord,

You created soil,
I created a cup..

You created darkness,
I created the lamp..

You created time,
I created its Age..

You created wood,
I created paper..

And above all ,

As you created me
I think I created you..

Isn’t that true  ? ”

As he finishes off this dialogue , a voice whispers behind him….

 

Shhh ! Koi hai…

It’s difficult to face the unexpected , I actually fell on my knees in front of this mighty visitor

Seldom do I wonder out of curiosity what its like to experience death or what do we might go through in our minds during those final seconds to mortality,knowing nothing will matter any more now. I think the beauty of this experience lies in the utmost freedom it provides as you are left free with emotions devoid of any kind of influences, and you’ll never be thinking about it ever again.

Look at the irony , the poor guy himself is not available to witness the end. Funny isn’t it? 🙂

My horror story as usual is unusual, occurred one fine early morning. Here I am busy dealing with tremors of sleep , not willing to wake up so soon as I had the pleasure to wake up late that day. Even my blocked nose made it difficult to help me with my sleep. I am somehow aware mom’s awake . At some instant , I find myself under my covers and I am able to hear mom in the adjacent room  but all that captures my attention is that I’m hearing someone snoring near me , and it couldn’t be anyone other than her, as she normally snores too.

Before I make any reflexes to witness it, suddenly I feel a whole lot of weight over my body like someone sitting over me .I just freak out, I am stuck and my body is dead resistant unable to move even a millimeter . I am trying to shout like hell but no success there too ,seems like my voice box  ceased to function anymore. I am struggling to breathe now, unable to engulf any air inside. It all felt like I am nearing to the end,  and this dreadful fear of losing myself once and for all ,collapses my strength to strive for life and left me on the mercy of faith. Finally I just give up the battle knowing it would result into no other way than my loss. I wished I could speak someone to before leaving and end up closing my eyes not sure whether they would ever seek light again.

No wonder I couldn’t think anything about my journey or people or anything else , all I just wanted was – Some Air to become my Breath.

Suddenly I jump off my bed making whole-hearted efforts to breathe and try to hold myself together. Completely stunned with the whole episode, I start asking mom some weird questions to get some clue about this absurd experience, but all that freaked me out was the sense of weight over my body and the loss of breath. I grab my phone and try to find some answers online. Later I come to know science has termed this phenomenon as   ” Sleep Paralysis ” , it helped me understand the whole scenario and I felt comfortable about not being the lone survivor in this paranormal adventure of pseudo death.

I hope by now you might have solved the mystery behind the snoring heard besides me. :p

*** THE END ***