In the quest of superior Me !!

Interesting memoir , an accidental journey in my experience related to a topic that never leaves to amuse me.

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With the end of this week on time scale , its difficult to scale the run on the spiritual path.  All my prejudice about the truth of life were put to test for the very first time. This struggling mind was unable to fathom the complexity of life and just touching the surface of reality wasn’t enough to quench it’s thirst. The week-long program was a result of attraction towards an another piece of life whose wisdom and perception never failed to bring moments of epiphany each time I watch his talks on Youtube. Accidentally get to know his foundation is organizing a program nearby , my curiosity dragged me to the event to understand the methodology he is preaching to these amateur urban yogis trying to rise above  the ocean of chaos they are drowning deep into. Does Yoga really transform this mass of flesh accumulated over a period of time after stealing from the nature , into an individual able to perceive and understand the real truth ? But it has benefitted guru as he claims , the result is what he projects to the world .

Was quite nervous like the first day of school surrounded by new faces all around and even excited to be the youngest student in the class. A young  white foreigner to lead us through the program was something unexpected for me.  To start with exercising the physical form of yoga which I suppose is not just the whole aspect of yoga but I could just manage to grasp its physical nature until then, with an addition to it leaving my random sway of thoughts for a while which I believe to be natural as being involved kept me away from worldly motions. After the Upayoga practices we were asked to pay attention to the screens. A smile runs along with the appearance of the familiar stranger on the screen who roped me to the very present state of my existence. How crazy it is , someone explaining an illogical truth to these logical idiots. That’s what make him the rescuer for us . He defined the word “Responsibility” literally and Ahh!! shouts the mind yeah that’s what it always meant as the Ability to Respond . For any given case my natural ability to respond can be in any possible form . Anger , love , compassion , empathy, bliss everything is sourced within , and  any wise man alive can understand what’s better for his well-being and others. Giving the freedom to a limitless approach to respond to any subject brings the best in me , then why be angry since you have the option not to be. Being angry we simply poison ourself thinking it will kill its victim. We were asked to exercise this topic for the whole day and share the experiences within groups as our homework for next day. Didn’t expect my first experience to appear just outside the centre. I was waiting along the roadside for an auto , one of the lady participant comes up for help with the lift ,  thanking her I pass down the offer since our paths were different. Felt good with the incident .Even the bargain for auto fare wasn’t the same like before , had interesting  observations all day long in my pocket to share.

The next day was just a real shake to my thinking capability . Understanding the concept of Moments of Happiness . Able to unravel the truth  behind all the happy moments in our past experiences was amazing. To brief it down,  its accepting the moment completely the way it is. Just differentiating the life period to every single moment, looking at the very current moment .This moment cannot be of any other form than it is now isn’t it so ?  We can’t do anything to it . In this moment lies the entire creation of the creator ,and this moment is what we have in the form of existence ,both previous moment and the next moment don’t exist in reality. Right now This Moment is Inevitable isn’t it ? Which moment you are looking at ,Look at this one. No not that , This one. Not that , this one I am talking about. It is the way it is , were you able to change it ? Either working for changing the  moment or thinking about the previous moment but the present moment is untouched . If you accept the present moment wholly you will never be distressed or anxious about anything. Every moment in your experience is happening for the first time in the entire cosmos since the universe is never the same for very next moment in your experience. Your whole lifetime can be spent blissfully just being aware about it  for every conscious moment of yours.

The third day kicks off with all the positive energy from yesterday’s phenomenal experience . The session is always preceded by  a prayer not familiar to my vocabulary. I never tried to find its interpretation before its first verse once appeared on TV. Later ,its found to be Shanti Mantra written in our Upanishads. So with the progressive practices we were preparing for the final form to be performed couple of days later.

On the  fourth day of the program ,the session ended with the announcement that the 5th day to be a Sunday scheduled for the  entire day at their Delhi center for the final procedure of the kriya. The conveyance for the early morning travel was a concern for me. Thinking about the possible options, it hits my mind and I reach out to the lady who offered me the drive on the very first day. She was busy completing her homework . She looks and smiles at me knowing my purpose beforehand , quickly accepts the request and I am all set for the finale.

With early special preparation for the day-long session , I drop into the car and we make our way to the centre , had a brief interaction en route knowing each other till we reach the destination. The scenic pathway as we just enter through the gates was pleasing enough to find something like this amidst of a city like Delhi. We were instructed to walk through the trees following the path. And as the view clears I am like What the Hell ! People all circled playing freebies , my legs couldn’t hold and I just run to join the play. I was surprised to see our instructor having fun in all casual completely opposite to the attire she used to follow at the sessions. Everyone no matter their age where enjoying all the games like little kids, you can imagine the average age group coming for the program like this and I never felt so comfortable playing with all strangers understanding the diverse backgrounds. We end up for breakfast which disappoints these hungry kids expecting some delicious food , for an unorthodox healthy meal . Later we hang out in the garden enjoying the morning breeze. Had a good talk with some individuals , largely with Mrs Vanita continuing our talk where we left off in the car ,enjoyed  some funny stories of her naughty kid.

Session started with a great talk by guru and detailed process of our kriya to be performed. Revising our practices learned during the week , we were prepared to experience the so-called higher conscious state. As a preparatory practice we were left outside the yoga room in the garden for a while with the constraint to avoid any form of interaction with the participants ,not even looking at each other. The atmosphere was filled with complete silence , I managed to distract myself looking at the trees , an ant dragging a leaf caught my attention and I was lost into its act till we were told to return back to the room.

The experience of the kriya is a bit difficult to explain as I really don’t know what was it to be frank. We were unaware of what we were going to experience actually. That’s make it difficult to judge whether was it the way it was intended to be. How do you know what to experience unless you are told what the experience is actually ? Little do  I know for a small span of time my mental  focus was at its peak and I felt like I am not able to hold so much energy and I will lose it anytime. I can’t explain why the body trembled at such state or was it just a delusion ,I don’t know exactly. The session concludes with a group photo to break the ice and make people comfortable lost in themselves . Even felt quite awkward interacting about the experience. Lunch was arranged , and lately guru’s concluding talk on the screen wrapped the event . Finally an interesting day coming to an end.Had to report back to the old venue for next couple of days to practice on our own.

We leave back in the car  and  also a couple of people accompany us in the ride. Here’s a funny incident happened , while on our way Vanita happens to ask this lady – Did u felt anything ,while performing the Kriya ? The lady replies – Yeah actually I did , Headache !    I just crack down unable to control my laughter . Never expected something like that coming.

There isn’t anything to come up with to explain the whole experience . Its was simply different for me. I believe such experiences shape our perception and we never remain the same , that’s what growth is all about.

Amazing week altogether !!

Law of conservation of Energy ..

Not a memoir in true sense, but something I got caught up with while on my ride to office. Intrigued with this fascinating topic, all these thoughts had built up over time.

Going back in time during the era of rapidly accelerating scientific discoveries . In 1842 , Julius Robert Mayer discovered the theory of Law of Conservation of Energy ,which is believed to be rooted from the parental theory of Law of Conservation of Mass discovered by Antoine Lavoisier in 1785. Though the essence of this fine conclusion brought by Mayer was never embraced by my inept brain till now , it somehow helps to shed out some layers off the truth behind the mysterious play of life and death . If the entire energy is contained in this unscalable cosmos , And as the theory goes –  Energy can neither be  created nor destroyed , it is just transformed from one form to another , It eases my perception over  the cycle of  birth and death . Would you agree with me – A new born baby is just the manifestation of the energy already existing in the cosmos available all around into this form of body using the biological machine of the parents . I mean my body should  be an amalgamation of the energy from the fruit , air , water , sun , fire , soil etc and every other from of energy either tangible or intangible which interacted with the parent body . Its difficult to perceive this theory since we are unable to find their traces back in this present body distinctively . With my birth some form of energy in the cosmos has disappeared to take my form. And finally when this bodily energy perishes it will take some another form of energy and become a part of this cosmos. The funeral rituals too form an interesting ground to see how we treat the corpse to end into , like burning and burial might be different doorways to different form of energies. And all these forms  fundamentally direct into the  vast ocean of energy exiting. And this energy is capable to take any form imaginable . The term ” I ” makes it difficult to grab hold of this theory , but its easy to say the energy of the cosmos  itself ,and will attain any form  matter or non-matter  with different amount of energy collected from the gigantic pool. And as a result of an erratic process among the innumerable processes I might take birth as a beautiful bird flying high in the clouds or a blue whale exploring the depth of those huge Pacific and Atlantic oceans  or a water body gushing through the valleys of Himalayas or take non material form like  a melodious music  from the instrumentals soothing the broken heart siting on a corner of a window gazing into the night sky drowned in the memories of her love or a mere light from a candle glowing bright in the dark for a romantic date or extra planetary beings like the burning sun or a falling stars or the black hole that engulfs everything that comes in its way. And this transformation cycles will be  endless till the end of time and was here before the birth of time too. I was , I am , I will be here in this cosmic trench till eternity .I mean after this physical structure disintegrates itself into the ocean of energy and I am no more an identity to this cosmic form , the entire cosmos is me . Infact , I am Omnipresent. Isn’t the story where Krishna opens his mouth and mother Yashoda sees the whole universe out there personify this theory . I might be experiencing everything in this cosmos , not just limited to my physical body that I have accumulated over time . Right now there is this body present , never know in future would be a part of something else or might have experienced all of it in my past. The sad part is its not being stored as memory in the continuum of these rebirths.

I believe its not unfair to say the sound you hear, the light you see, everything else that you interact with , might have a bit of me from my previous births. So will you be kind to me !! , can’t I ask for it. I know you will not hurt me. :p

Finally it comes down to ask from where is this entire energy sourced from ? I don’t know the answer to this metaphysical question. I assume being able to just realize this conservation theory brings me halfway down the journey to know myself and everything around me.

Science is fun sometimes !! 😉

 

Indeed a Valentine !!

Very special piece of my life experiences which I will embrace for life. “My Valentine story.”

Just chattering as always the night before Valentine’s , while she is on her way back home from the office and me chilling out on a walk in my training campus. And this duration generally  use to be the only time spared for me specially to talk about our day . Patience is also something inherently we gained due to the endless call drops while she travels in the metro. Dragging our talk finally to our favourite topic for the day , thinking whether there is  anything interesting  to watch out for tomorrow’s special day.

Both of us were flirting with each other naming the people we can comfortably giggle at, somehow trying to hint atleast we could be happy sharing some time unless our fantasies come to life. The talk had definitely caught my ears on something that would have made her day memorable for life and indeed mine too has I always used to find ways to make her feel special, giving myself the pleasure I had being addicted to. She imagined what if that Canadian charm would remember her tomorrow, I don’t think she even recalled about this fairy tale again after laughing it out , and why would she ?. How can a 40 year old guy married and  even with kids would think of this girl sitting oceans away on Valentine’s day. This guy was a chief speaker at an international conference we attended months ago. Infact she met him once for a couple of minutes that too on all her desperate attempts to get a vivid glance of her Mr.Perfect. Luckily she succeeded to grab his business card for any communications in future. She couldn’t stop bragging  for her achievement front of me. But somehow this tiny wierd fantasy moved me and it meant like the only purpose of my life to bring it to reality 😀

I really do question my sanity thinking of it now . So now it had to be an exceptional message to least make the Canadian mind understand who don’t even know whether a guy named V (alias for me ) even existed in this very same world , requesting him to greet this girl most likely to be remembered only for her beautifull Indian name attached with her I guess. I was laughing at myself while thinking of the possibility how this god damn thing would actually happen. I don’t even know what time is it in Canada and left with  this only night expecting him to reply positively for my stupid request.
Somehow gathered some courage to reach out to him by an email, and here comes the toughest part of them all ,how to approach him about it.How would on earth someone could understand this idea and respond to it. Here’s the email conversation –

suprise

 

 

(Remark : Unfortunately the image size constraint makes it difficult to read. You can open the image link on a new tab and zoom it ,and enjoy the funny conversation. )

Just before dropping off the bed , the much awaited response pops on my phone.The magic stick has been wound over the hat now and I just have to wait for the rabbit to pop out of the hat tomorrow. Pleased with my efforts , I crash onto my bed for the early rise.

Finally the day arrived hoping nothing but for the magic to happen. Had a day off and she was in her office. Had no plans for meeting tonight , so still no words exchanged from the morning. Afternoon I left with my buddies for a movie ,anxiously waiting for the call the whole time, during the climax my mobile rings I was smiling for ears to ears just looking at the screen, quickly left the movie screen to answer the call , here all my acting skills came into picture . Actually realized at that time how acting normal is just so tough sometimes. She speaks happily about her day routine, and asks me to  guess what happened , I broke into that crooked laugh covering it by  -“Haan tere saath hua hai to definitely kuch crazy hua hoga like always..”

She laughed her heart out, asked me to guess her amazing story . Me the story writer myself had to come up with all those poor stories to prove myself wrong to give her the upper hand, she taunts me that I know her even better and I need to try more . To just get her on her toes , I acted to guess about something from Patrick (our Canadian guy) and she’s like how can you think about it , me with no further explanation just praise myself for getting  it right . After hearing her all and knowing it would finally end the day for us as the call cuts off. I just quickly say –  I need to tell you something , can we meet if possible not having the slightest hint which station she would be has she was in metro while we were talking, she asks me about my place and tell me to meet at my nearest metro station which is on the way to her destination. Me not knowing what’s happening run outside to find my friends waiting outside calling me since the movie was already over by then. I met them apologized them to leave while they were trying to hold me to know what’s going on. I leave from there completely out of my mind , finding for shops to get something for her but couldn’t stop more as atleast I shouldn’t make her wait now .
I slide into the rickshaw reaching the station ,still in search of something to have in hand , jump into a small outlet outside metro buying some chocolates she might like rather cursing myself later .
Hiding in the crowd she suddenly appears in front of me by surprise ,exchanging those whole hearted smiles . Both where in black again, cracking down at the coincidence.I think black meant something else for us . Finally decoded the whole truth to her making her jaw drop with this whole thing .Best of it , I get to know she had already left my station while talking on phone and she had took a return back again to meet ,this made me feel like I already received my present from her and nothing more could be expected now and then quickly we took the next train so that she reach home on time as she would never try to make her mom concern with her delay. Discussing the whole story in depth we reached the desired station .Now  she had to catch the other train now and my journey had to end there ,praying hard the almighty to stop this time for atleast today ,.Not willing to leave at all, I managed her to leave a couple of train still, but that couldn’t help any longer. Accepting the ugly truth ,shaking  a tightful hand and endless good byes , with the inching  distance of separation I call her name, she turns around .With my heart pounding so fast at that moment , I hesitantly ask her – Can I hug you ?  Completely unprepared for it she utters quietly- Not here in public , I am Sorry . Exchanging uncomfortable smiles , I quickly  turn around and walk away not turning back , having absolute no courage to do so.. I do wonder was she still waiting for me to look back.

After sitting back  in the train , being restless with how it ended I call her immediately , she lifts the call  and the silence just breaks out into laughter over the most embarrassing moment we faced in front of each other .At last  everything seemed  to be sorted now without  a word exchanged.

 

Game of Touch !!!

A small memoir on an interesting ride with a new friend.recollecting this completely crazy act of a hidden naughty character within always brings a smile to the face.

There is this feeling of warmth or a sense of closeness from holding one other, but does it apply for someone not so close besides you ?

Sitting next to a new friend while  travelling  back home late night ,we were badly tired after attending a common friend’s wedding celebration . I was busy  indulged in pleasing the sleep god , it happens to somehow disrupt my amateur sleep when her shoulder hits mine . Assuming our lazy bodies not so interested in making any efforts to balance back quickly , I am aware of her accidental swings made everytime the while the car hits the rough road on our way. Sounds normal right ! Nothing to notice out here. But here’s a crazy story making its way certainly not planned in my schedule . The feminine touch was all that kept the naughty boy in me consciously interested in the act . Later drowning into our sleep, the touch seems to damp the oscillations and now our shoulders hold each others support and somehow giving birth to a sense of comfort here innocently ignoring  it hence didn’t hesitate either  lying without making  efforts for separation. As time ages in minutes ,the touch grows steadily firm as the urge to resist the drift comes conscious to mind making sure air has no place to reside in there. Our drowning heads were almost on the verge of collision ,somehow stops my sloppy fall .To understand the objective behind this strange comforting experience, I make an attempt to hold the gap now , Sooner then expected I get my senses tickle the brain helping me smile wide behind the lips while the friendly shoulder again moved near to me to find mine. Pleased with not being alone in this funny play. Now the shoulders resting like a tight hug between the two with the silent acceptance they offered , Holding their promises everytime against the minuscle disturbances  in the way. Here comfort shaping its way to a soothing experience somehow  helps me enjoy the ride and happily waiting for a pleasant sleep to take over. But here’s the catch , a strange feeling arised to find my head on her friendly shoulder, with the excuse of falling in innocent sleep not really understanding whose playing inside with me. Few failed attempts with fear heavily dominating my efforts , I eventually get settled down with the present moment. Sleep eventually leads the battle over me and I fall a sleep there. Finally destiny helps this play conclude , leaving me curious to know what  was it actually at the end.

Unable to explain the juggling of  heart during this unorthodox play. It equally seems difficult  to judge it’s intentions for the actions  . Also raises a question whether anything similar was felt by the other half or was it just her sleep fooling with me :p .