She enters the room uninvited along with my mom. And before I could gather myself to welcome them, mom gives that mocking smile hiding smartly behind her and quickly slips away through the door leaving me unguarded with my vulnerable self in front of this girl. I knew someone was about to come soon after mom’s desperate attempts to persuade me on accepting this idea of so-called arranged meetings for my marriage. Like apart from the arguments over desires and considerations , I always felt it quite unnatural to engage in such act of arrangement to marry, particularly where two people will have to talk into a relationship of love and companionship if that’s what marriage is meant for. Although my courtesy did accept her willingness to meet me but my apprehension about this whole idea was clearly visible over my face which I tried hard to conceal behind my half-hearted tight-lipped smile. In those moments of initial glance, I found her really attractive for some reason . She had to be one of the most beautiful person I must have ever seen, probably how love would look like to my imagination. But something about her troubled me a lot. Each time I tried to survey her face she would appear different to me , every time resembling someone in the past I once shared a deep bond with. Sooner than expected we engrossed into talks to know about one’s life story, each story of hers would equate with my memories from the past , as if I lived like one. She eventually lured me into the idea of her to the point where I felt she epitomize the definition of love I ever knew. With such impeccable character standing along for I had to make a call for my future. She asked whether it could be thought about further if I could put away with the apprehension about the idea of arranged marriage.
Where every aspect of her being called for a yes in my mind , I said it outright. It took me a moment to realise that it sounded ‘NO’. The awkward silence that followed was too loud to hold on. All I could know about my answer was that it’s just my thoughts which were adulterated by my heart before they could form words. Before she had to bear the pain of asking the why of it. I killed the silence and said,with all that mesmerizing charm she holds, her only fault line lied in the fact that she only stands for the idea of love I knew till now and it seems that this love was never yet fulfilling . I feel the only way to find the one will be, someone who would symbolise the new idea of love for me. Her being the perfect past, would only see an undesirable end like the present.
I couldn’t gather strength to meet her eyes anymore but stand deeply apologetic about turning down such a beautiful soul. She took the answer gracefully and turned back to the door to leave. Before we could part away forever, I stopped her to know her name.
She said “Lost love”.
Vishal Puppala 